Last night I decided to serve up brussel sprouts as a side for dinner. As a tip off to let you know how often we have brussel sprouts, here’s what my 16-year old said, “There’s a reason they call them artiCHOKES”. (We also don’t have artichokes very often 😉 ).
Then, he tried the spreading-it-around-his-plate BS. I just looked at him and said, “Who are you trying to fool? I am the queen of spreading it around!” (I didn’t mention what it was that I am the queen of spreading around.
To be perfectly honest, I lied. I am not the queen. I may only be the lady-in-waiting. I think the honor of the queen goes to my older sister, who, when she was a teenager, once hid spinach (cooked and mushy, babe) in her sock, and once (EVEN BETTER) “hid” it in the breast pocket of her shirt. Gives a whole new meaning to leaky breasts, aye?
I think to secure my position as lady-in-waiting, I should tell you that one time, my mother (bless her ambitious heart) tried to serve up some weird yellow squash thing that was shaped like a lemon and was seasoned with pepper. It probably had other seasonings, but I remember the pepper, because as a kid, I hated pepper. Anyway, I sat at the table forever, as was the policy for uneaten food, but eventually slipped away with the squash in hand, and nonchalantly sauntered out to the porch and tossed it over the railing into the bushes. I thought that was the end of it. Little did I know that little squash had dreams of being The Telltale Heart! I kid you not, when I tell you what happened. We moved away from there, but seeing as it was my grandmother’s house, we came back for visits. Three years later, while we were visiting, we decided to play ball out front. The ball went under the aforementioned bush and I went to retrieve it. There, in front of my astonished eyes, lay the shriveled up squash! I know you don’t believe me, but IT”S TRUE! Now that is a squash that would’ve stuck to the ribs!
On a little bit of a tangent…my kids think they have it so bad??? At least I never tried to feed them cow’s tongue! Dad…I’m sending them down to you to teach them a lesson! Got any cow’s tongue?